Soft As the Snow
by past-the-pacific
Summary: The snow falls softly in the Land of Iron as Kakashi confronts a dejected Sakura about the choices she's making. Introspective one-shot on NaruSaku and SasuSaku


The snow was cold on her skin but Sakura could barely feel it. It was beautiful, in an elegant way, she mused, how it was falling so softly. It seemed harmless, but then, she had never seen a blizzard before. Supposedly they were deadly and frightening but she couldn't believe that something so beautiful could be dangerous. Absently, she recalled a story a grizzled old ninja had been telling in a bar he mother worked at when she was young. It was he and his team in a mountain pass somewhere, and they got caught in a snowstorm. She was fascinated, because she had never seen snow before and listened hard, hiding behind the booth. His rough voice spun a spell around her; she was so captivated by his story she never realized her mother's shift had ended. That night, she had wandered home enthralled by the man's tales of his escapades. It was then she knew she truly wanted to be a ninja. Of course, he hadn't said anything about the nights where you couldn't sleep because the face of that boy you had killed was haunting you, or the losses that could shatter you in two, but you had to stay strong even though all you wanted to do was sit in a corner and cry. Sakura sighed and leaned against the railing, the metal ruthless against her pale skin. She heard Sai say something to Yamato down below, his voice muted and quick. She shivered and had to clench her fists to stop herself from shuddering uncontrollably. They were talking about Naruto.

_/ / /_

_Naruto_.

_/ / /_

Sakura squeezed her eyes shut and pulled her cloak tighter around herself, suddenly freezing. She had come all this way, lied to him, lost his trust just to help him and she had _still_ ended up hurting him! His beautiful eyes when she had said she loved him, so hopeful for a half a second before they became angry. That shook her more than him not believing her actually. Naruto never got _really_ angry at her, even when she deserved it. When Yamato had caught up to her, Kiba and Lee just an hour ago, she didn't want to listen to him, thinking he was just trying to stop her from going after Sasuke. But when he managed to get out "Naruto, he's hyperventilating, or having a heart attack, I'm not sure but you have to go back and help him, Sakura." she hadn't even hesitated, completely forgetting about Sasuke in her terror as she spun around. Seeing him curled on a bed, hands flexing, involuntarily clenching the worn sheets, gasping for air, she felt her heart hurt and breath speed up as well. The thought of losing him like that was unbearable. She couldn't even speak to him as he thanked her after, she felt so ashamed. (It was her fault and he actually _thanked_ her. God, he was so damn _sweet_ to her.) Angrily, she gritted her teeth. Sakura didn't know what to do, she felt so. . .

_/ / /_

_Helpless_.

_/ / /_

She could sense a familiar chakra behind her in the doorway and she sighed. She just wanted to be alone with her thoughts and guilt, but obviously that was too much to ask for.

"What do you want Sensei?" she snapped, straightening up and let a calm façade spread over her face.

"Just wanted to talk to you," Kakashi answered casually, his voice muffled by his mask and came up next to her. They stared out at the cliffs ahead of the inn, as they snow fell softly. It was so silent she could hear her pulse beating unevenly. Sakura felt the guilt flare sharper in her stomach with Kakashi's presence.

"Well, how is he?" she asked quietly, focusing her gaze on a pine tree just below her, an icicle clinging to its branches tenaciously.

"Much better. Lee, Kiba, and Sai are making sure he rests. Naruto wants to get up but of course, we can hardly let him go fight Sasuke just now can we?"

The name stung and the place just below her throat felt hollow. She swallowed with difficulty.

"I'm surprised this even happened to him. With his amazing rate of healing and immortal tenet," Kakashi continued his voice carefully casual neutral.

"With all the stress in his life right, _I'm_ not. Don't you dare imply that he's weak," Sakura growled irrationally feeling angry. The stupid man didn't know half of what Naruto was going through!

"Easy Sakura, I would never think that." The icicle fell and disappeared into the snow bank below it, wrecking her concentration.

"Just tell me I'm a horrible person and I don't deserve to even look at Naruto, let alone be his friend and go, ok?" Sakura muttered pushing a clump of snow off the railing, pretending it was Kakashi as it splattered on the ground with a muted _thump_. The Jounin shifted his weight and sighed.

"That's what I want to speak with you about," he replied as he turned to face her. "Sakura, you need to think about what you're doing. What you've done."

Shame colored her cheeks red and she felt tears prick in the corners of her eyes.

"I understand why you told Naruto what you did. It was cruel to use his feelings for you that way, but it was for his own good. And what you're doing now is probably the most selfless thing you've ever done in your life. I want you to know I'm proud of you." His voice was so gentle; she couldn't help but glance at him. Kakashi's visible eye wasn't mocking or accusing as she feared, instead he really did look proud.

"I-thank you sensei," she said shyly and scuffed her boot against the ground. But not even his words could lessen the guilt she felt curling up snugly on her chest like an overly friendly cat.

"But you need to think before you do anything stupid," he said a few moments later. Sakura felt her jaw tighten as the anger rose in her throat.

"Now just hear me out. I know that when Sasuke left it nearly broke you two and it hurt me as well. I know you thought you loved him which is perhaps stronger than the real emotion itself. But it's been three years Sakura, and things have changed. You need to think about what you're throwing away. I know you still believe you're in love with him but-"

"Don't treat me like some child, sensei!" Sakura interrupted angrily, "I'm old enough to know how I feel and what love is-"

"No, I don't believe you do. Be honest with yourself Sakura, you didn't understand Sasuke and you never, ever can. The only person who has ever really gotten close to him is Naruto and Sasuke ended up trying to kill him. You wanted to help him, you were awed by his power and mysteriousness, obsessed with his looks, but you never knew him-" Kakashi's voice grew louder, "-and you never _will_. You realize now nothing can save him, but his death is going to destroy you unless you finally figure out what everyone else knows: that you don't love him. I never took you for a fool but you sure are acting like one Sakura, going on this suicide mission to try and take him down even though you know you don't even stand a chance, because you want his face to be the last thing you see because you think you love him."

"I am not a fool!" she shouted, finally snapping, "I might be only sixteen but I'm still a shinobi, I grew up a long time ago. I love Sasuke, that's why I'm doing this; I can't stand to watch him fall any further-"

"Tell me Sakura," he interjected, his eyes narrowing as he took a step forward, "Does he make you laugh? When he smiles, does it brighten your whole day? Do you know that if you told him your darkest secrets he wouldn't look down on you but love you even more? Does he accept you despite all your flaws and insecurities? When he hurts, do you feel it as well? Has he ever cried in front of you? Does he make you feel safe, do you know every little thing about him from the way he likes his tea to the nightmares that only you can stop? Does he respect you and admire you; does he treat you like the best thing that ever happened to him? Can you sense him wherever he is; is he the last thing you'd ever stop believing in? Answer me _that_ Sakura."

She could only stare at him in shock, anger draining away rapidly leaving her loose limbed and dizzy.

"Well? Because if you can say yes to all of those, then I'll let you go."

Sakura's mouth moved silently as she tried to retort, but she couldn't. They stared at each other as the minutes stretched on until the burning look in Kakashi's lone dark eye faded and the snow continued to fall, aloof and beautiful.

"But you can't, can you. And when you think about it, the only person you can say yes to about those is Naruto right?" Sakura bit her lip and shivered while Kakashi ran a hand through his silver hair, sighing.

"I'm hardly forcing you to love him Sakura. I would never do that believe me, in fact really don't want to do this but this, this sick triangle has got to stop. Don't you deserve better? Someone who'll be there for you, someone who's always been there for you? Sasuke is gone, Sakura. We lost him a long time ago."

"He can still be found though," she blurted out from between her frozen lips, accidently admitting her deepest hope. Pain crossed what she could see of his face and he looked as though he pitied her, shaking his head before she even finished.

"But he doesn't want to be Sakura," he said, his voice so low she had to strain to hear, "And that makes all the difference."

He turned around and left her reeling in his typical fashion.

_/ / /_

_Nothing is ever as it seems, Sakura. You remember that, even if you don't remember anything else I teach you._

_/ / /_

He left her after he had just destroyed what she thought was her deepest conviction. For years, she believed that she loved Sasuke; it was what got her through those harsh training sessions with Tsuande (whose voice still rang in her head sometimes), and those lonely nights when pretenses faded into the dark. Her entire world had just come to a shuddering halt and changed courses. It felt like he had just cracked open her chest, leaving her gasping and bleeding. Sakura was barely aware of the fence behind her keeping her from sinking to her knees.

Was everything else in her life a lie then? Maybe the sky really wasn't blue, maybe science didn't hold all the answers, maybe she didn't know herself like she thought she did. A wretched sob escaped her throat, sounding like it was ripped from her chest and she started to cry hysterically and everything just hurt so much. All she ever did was hurt Naruto and moon after Sasuke like a shallow little girl and she was so sick of it. And then suddenly she was disgusted at herself and abruptly stopped, feeling a tear trickle down her cheek. She swore she wouldn't cry like this ever again, and wiped the tears and snot off her face harshly, standing up shakily. Sakura closed her jade eyes tightly and counted to ten until her breathing slowed down and her mind cleared. Her heartbeat returned to normal and she was able to finally _think_.

Sasuke didn't love her.

The truth crashed through her like a punch from Tsuande, and it burned. _He might!_ A small part of her mind screamed desperately, _Remember all the times he protected you and said thank you right before he left! _Sakura winced. She had spent nights twisting his cryptic words that last night, translating it anywhere from '_I love you' _to '_I don't want to leave you'_. But it meant nothing. Sasuke might've cared about her, a long time ago, but it was never love. She gave him everything she had, but it wasn't enough. And if _Naruto_ was nothing to him now, then she simply didn't exist for him. It hurt, but in a way it was her fault, she admitted grudgingly. Three years ago he rejected her and she hadn't even tried to get over him. "_Call yourself a strong woman Sakura?" _she thought dryly. Sasuke turned her blind.

/ / /

_The fool's in love with me . ._ _._

/ / /

A strong wind suddenly stung her face, whipping through her hair wildly and she opened them in surprise. The snow had nearly stopped, only a few flurries still lazily floating to the ground. A small smile crossed her face, and feeling silly she lifted her head to the sky, opening her mouth to try and catch one. The sky had turned the most brilliant, blinding shade of blue and she stared, mesmerized. Just a few moments (and a lifetime ago) it had been grey and heavy.

Sakura smiled again and peered past the railing. The mountains were still silent and cold past the village and she wondered if that pass, just to the left, was where that old ninja got trapped in. She supposed it didn't really matter. She took one last look down the path to the Kage Summit and felt her heart clench. She summoned Sasuke's face to her mind, blurry yet still perfect. For once, it didn't make her blood pound in her veins, or make her want to cry. Instead it just made her . . . sad (and perhaps a bit angry). She inhaled the cold air deeply and realized she loved the scent of snow.

/ / /

Sakura only glanced back once as she headed inside.

/ / /

**AN**: _Sorry to anyone who is actually reading this I wrote it in like an hour and it's not nearly as good as I'd like it to be. My attempts at symbolism failed epically as did my spelling and grammar although I just rechecked it :) Please, if you review add what you think about SasuSaku and NaruSaku._


End file.
